In spite of today’s high divorce rate, many adults leave one marriage only to find themselves longing for another. Unfortunately, many of these adults face daunting statistics about remarriage. The Americans for Divorce Reform reports, “possibly even 50% of marriages will end in divorce if current trends continue,” and warns about higher divorce percentages for those on their second and third marriages. The good news is that with an investment in time and energy, remarried couples can beat the odds and live happily ever after.
Take Time to Heal After Divorce
Give yourself permission to grieve your divorce and face your emotional pain. Take time to overcome any animosity or bitterness as a result of the broken relationship, and free yourself from lingering grudges and resentments. Let the old wounds heal. This is critical in accepting the loss of your previous marriage and moving forward.
Take a Journey of Self-Reflection
Learn from past mistakes by taking an honest assessment of your part in the divorce. Try to identify and understand how your behavior may have negatively contributed to your previous relationship, then practice the opposite as you strive to make improvements in those areas. Make sure to forgive yourself and your ex-spouse for past hurts in the process. This will keep you from bringing unresolved issues into a new relationship and sabotaging any opportunity for a successful union in the future.
Find Contentment in Your Singleness
A contented person is one who can find security and happiness in most situations, including the absence of a relationship. Take the opportunity to discover your value as a single person, and assess what you want and need in your future spouse. This will help you avoid making bad decisions as a result of feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem.
Know Your Partner Intimately
Spend time learning as much as you can about the person with whom you are considering a remarriage. Make sure you understand his or her expectations about managing finances, roles and responsibilities, sex and intimacy, and parenting practices. Identify any gaps in your compatibility and determine the magnitude of those gaps relative to your requirements for an everlasting commitment.
Engage in Premarital Counseling
Premarital counseling is ideal for helping divorcees avoid repeating mistakes. With the assistance of a trained counselor, you and your fiancé will be able to discuss hard issues before they arise and develop skills for addressing areas that may become sources of conflict down the road.
Decide to Stay in Love and Act Accordingly
Once the wedding is over, practice on a daily basis the art of loving your spouse. Be intentional in how you interact with each other and pick the right battles. Learn how to let go of the small stuff, and make your re-marriage a priority. Partner with couples who share your desire for marital success and who can offer additional support and encouragement. Remove the word “divorce” from your vocabulary and agree to do everything necessary to ensure a long and happy life with your spouse.
Ensuring a successful remarriage requires an honest and intentional effort on your part. Don’t minimize the value of your relationship by taking short cuts in the process.