Certain human qualities guarantee a miserable relationship. Fortunately there is a way to easily detect them.
In his book The Art Of Seduction Robert Greene presents five main types of anti-seducers – people who possess some very love-unfriendly traits. According to Greene the anti-seducer is a ticking bomb for any relationship, a token of potential boredom, disappointment and heartbreak. Although ironically seducers are the ones who have bad reputation of manipulative players using others for sex, it should be admitted in all fairness that the seduction game could be a fascinating exciting experience for both parties and a definite ego-boosting for “the victim”. The anti-seducers, however, will take you right to the doom and gloom skipping the fun part.
The Clues to A Potential Misery
We all possess our fair share of unpleasant qualities and no serious relationship is a walk in the park. The main difference between a potential lover and a person who should be avoided at all cost is the fact that the latter embraces those negative traits and they become domineering.
The Subtypes of Anti-Seducers
- The Brute. A self-absorbed egoist who has no patience for others and is only interested in another person in order to use him/her. He/she is only concerned with his/her own pleasure, never with somebody else’s. Brutes can’t stand waiting. If you suspect you might be dealing with the brute, make this person wait – their response will give their true character away.
- The Suffocator. Suffocators represent the most dangerous type of anti-seducers because they operate on the ego boosting of their potential victims. The suffocator will declare eternal love five minutes after the first “hello”. Although you might feel flattered in the beginning, you will soon be choking on their poison of neediness. Getting rid of a suffocator is extremely difficult and traumatic. Many suffocators end up stalking the objects of their desire and becoming violent. The main sign you should look for during the first date with a suspected suffocator – their inability to disagree and an absolute lack of their own opinion.
- The Moralizer. The moralizer is a complete opposite of a suffocator in every possible way. The only trait they share is social awkwardness. As opposed to the suffocator, the moralizer has an opinion about everything under the sun and suffers from the “always right” syndrome. Moralizers love to argue, usually follow fixed ideas and expect everyone bend to their standards. They are easy to recognize though – excessive criticizing and judging everything and everyone gives them away.
- The Tightwad. Is also known as a cheap/stingy person. Cheapness is probably the most unromantic and ugly trait there is, but it usually represents more than just a problem with money. Most tightwads are absolutely unable to give emotionally and sexually. Dating a tightwad is not only boring and joyless, but also humiliating. Fortunately the tightwads are extremely easy to recognize – as soon as the check comes everything is crystal clear.
- The Windbag. Talking too much when it comes to any love/romantic interaction is an extremely poor taste. Windbags unfortunately are the toughest anti-seducers to figure out. Let’s face it – physical appearance is a much more significant factor when it comes to attraction than a person’s expressive and listening skills. Stay alert, however, no matter how gorgeous your date might look if he/she speaks too much about him/herself it is a sign of deep selfishness and inability to control their own tongue.
All the anti-seducers subtypes share two main miserable qualities – the lack of confidence and the inability to recognize and acknowledge it. In addition, they focus on themselves instead of trying to open their eyes and minds in order to see what their potential partner is all about. It is important to recognize those qualities in others, but even more so in ourselves. Nobody is born confident – most of us are cheaper than we think, many people tend to talk a lot when they are nervous and it’s not unusual to become clingy when you’re infatuated. The difference between being “a winner” and “a loser” in love is one’s ability to see him/herself objectively and work on their shortcomings or at least learn to hide them well.
Greene, Robert. The Art of Seduction. New York: Profile Books, 2002.